The Undertaking of Adam Novak Read online

  Aaron approaches and gives me that same desperate look. “I'll do whatever you want, Uncle Adam,” he says and hangs his head. “But please, please don’t take me with her. Please,” he begs and hugs me at the waist.

  What does a man say to a child who’s lost so much? What can I say? I feel a shift in me, like a switch that has been turned on and everything lights up in my head. I’m no longer torn because it all appears so clear. “I won’t,” I tell him after a moment.

  “Promise?”

  “I promise.”

  He lets go and wipes at his tears. “Thank you,” he says and turns to go.

  “Aaron?” He stops and looks at me.

  “Why are you so afraid of her?”

  He looks down to the floor and is quiet for a few moments. “I dunno. Sometimes my stomach feels weird when she’s around like it hurts but it doesn’t. I dunno how to explain. Sorry, Uncle Adam.”

  “It’s alright, buddy.”

  I drop in the chair and sit there for a long time. I can almost hear my father say, “It’s time, Adam.”

  My father was aware of the struggles in my marriage. Why do parents always seem to know things and figure them out before we do? From the very beginning of my relationship, he knew Irene and I were incompatible. After Aaron was born, I told dad that I was thinking about a divorce. He told me it was one of the best decisions I could make, that waiting much longer would not only cause her pain but her kids too. Did I listen?

  –

  As expected, Jaycob is cleaning in the living room, dusting the tables and rearranging photos.

  “Jake. Look I—”

  “I’m not going!” He doesn’t look at me.

  I sit on the sofa and after a long moment say, “And you won’t.”

  “Good.”

  He wipes down the television screen and moves along to the next thing.

  I lean forward on the sofa and rest my elbows on my knees. “It might be time for me to leave. Irene, I mean.” Though my decision was made in a moment of weakness as my heart broke for Aaron I know in my gut that it’s time. I only hope to sound more convincing than I actually feel.

  Jaycob turns to me now with a confused expression. “What?”

  I only nod.

  He crosses the room and stands in front of me with his hands on his hips and his gaze fixed on me. “You mean like… leave, leave?”

  Another nod.

  “What about Jordyn?” he says and sits next to me.

  “She's old enough. Plus, she’ll be leaving for college in a couple years.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, you’ve tried so many times and—”

  “I know, Jake. And I know Irene won’t appreciate my decision, but…”

  “But?”

  “I'm tired, you know? I'm not happy there, man, I…” I shake my head. “I can't do it anymore.”

  There! I said it.

  He drapes an arm around my shoulder. “I support you one hundred percent.”

  “Thanks, Jake.”

  “When did you decide this?”

  “I've been thinking about it for a while, but… Look, Jake, I know you'll be okay. You’re older now, I know you will. My concern is Aaron. I worry about him and I want to help look after him. Not that you won’t do a good job, but he's going to need us both and I want to be here.”

  He nods and we stay quiet for a while.

  “When are you gonna tell her?”

  “Soon,” I say and rise. “For now we need to focus on Tianna. We need to get ready. Long day ahead.”

  –

  Alone in the living room, I take my phone from my pocket and send Rita a quick text.

  –Hey. Checking in, hope you're okay?

  Next, I call Julia, who doesn’t answer, then I call Charles.

  “Charles, Adam here.”

  “Adam, how are you?” he says in his distinctive raspy voice caused by decades of smoking. He’s an old fashioned man. At seventy-two, he’s still strong and with no signs of slowing down. He was a Captain in the Army, a veteran and a man of great character. He founded his company, Dalton Aircraft Service, in 1987 which was a success from the start. He’s a compassionate man who looks out for his employees. He doesn’t tolerate bullshit either. I think one of the reasons we get along so well is the fact that we both think of others before ourselves.

  “Not so good,” I tell him.

  “Is everything okay?”

  I sit on the sofa and take a deep breath. “It’s Tianna, she… she passed away yesterday.”

  “Adam, I’m so sorry. How? What happened?”

  “A heart attack.”

  “Jesus.”

  “As you can imagine we’re shocked. Broken, really. It’s been rough the last few hours and I need to take a few days off to—”

  “Yes, of course. Please, take all the time you need.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Her boy? How’s little Aaron holding up?”

  “He's hanging in there. Devastated of course.”

  “I can't even imagine. Please give your family my best and if there's anything you need, anything I can do, let me know. Please.”

  “Yes, sir. Thank you.”

  14

  IRENE

  She awoke late. Irene loves to sleep in, especially when Adam isn’t home, which is often due to his work. She gets out of bed and opens the blinds to let in some light. Looks like a perfect day to hang out with my husband, she thinks and smiles. She goes to the bathroom for a quick shower, gets dressed and heads downstairs to check on the girls.

  –

  She finds them eating cereal at the kitchen table.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Novak!” Jordyn’s friends say.

  “I must say, this is some delicious breakfast, mom,’’ says Jordyn without looking up from her bowl and the other girls exchange uncomfortable glances.

  “At least you have food,” Irene matches her daughter’s tone and crosses the kitchen. “Some kids are starving in Africa and blah, blah, blah,” she says as she prepares coffee.

  “Where’s Adam, anyway? He would’ve made us a killer breakfast.”

  Irene turns around to face her daughter and leans back against the counter. “Oh! I forgot to tell you.” She waits a beat. “Tianna’s dead,” she says with a shrug and turns back to her coffee.

  “What?” Jordyn gets to her feet, walks over to her mom and grabs her by the elbow.

  “Let go of me!” Irene jerks away.

  “How?”

  Irene ignores her.

  “Mom! What happened?”

  The other girls exchange glances again and decide it’s time to go. “We’re gonna go, Jordyn,” one announces but Jordyn pays no attention and the girls walk out and disappear upstairs.

  Jordyn sits and buries her face in her hands. Irene takes her coffee and a few sugar cookies from the pantry, then sits at the table.

  “A heart attack,” she says while chewing.

  Jordyn's arms are on the table with her face buried in them. “Are you sure?” she says after a moment.

  “Yep. Adam told me.”

  “Poor Aaron.”

  Irene waves this off. “Oh, he'll be fine.”

  The girl lifts her head and wipes the tears. “When did it happen?”

  “Yesterday.”

  Without another word Jordyn stands and leaves the kitchen and Irene smiles. This day just keeps getting better.

  15

  AARON

  After the dream he had the night before, Aaron is feeling a little better. Still, he wishes that the death of his mom was only a dream. He sure is going to miss her more than anything, more than anyone. He remembers the days after the death of his grandparents when his mom said to him that those who pass away remain in the hearts of the loved ones left behind. Her words bring comfort now knowing his mom will always be with him. He touches his chest, trying to feel his mom in there and when he feels a flutter there, he pats his chest and nods.

  After a quick shower, he
dresses in jeans, a blue Aviators hoodie, and his favorite red Converse high-tops. He makes sure to tidy up his room before leaving. That’s one of the many things he learned well from his mom. He cleans up as best he can and dumps his dirty clothes in the hamper before leaving the room.

  –

  Uncle Adam is sitting on the sofa, waiting. “I'm ready,” Aaron announces.

  “Come sit here for a sec.” Uncle Adam pats the space next to him.

  Aaron does and Uncle Adam shifts to face him. “Listen, buddy. How do you feel about me moving here?”

  For an instant, Aaron feels panic. “Is Irene coming too?”

  “No, just me.”

  Aaron smiles and says, “I’d like that very much.”

  Uncle Adam returns the smile and gives Aaron a big tight hug.

  “I also want you to have this.” His uncle pulls out Aaron’s mom’s phone and Aaron stares at it with confusion, but Uncle Adam pushes the phone to him and Aaron takes it, tentatively. He admires it as if it were something he'd never seen before or a sacred relic.

  “I want you to have it,” Uncle Adam tells him.

  “Really?”

  “Mm-hm. But please be careful. This is not a toy and it’s for emergencies only.”

  “No music?” Aaron likes listening to MUSE and Coldplay.

  “Maybe some,” Uncle Adam says.

  Aaron’s mom told him that once he turned twelve, she was going to give him a phone. That is still two years away, but he figures that Uncle Adam knows what he’s doing; after all, he is in charge now.

  “Thanks, Uncle Adam,” he says, smiling as he holds onto the device with extra care. “I'll take good care of it. I promise.”

  “I know you will.” Uncle Adam rubs Aaron’s fuzzy head. “I think you know how it works so I won't bore you with the nerdy stuff.”

  This makes Aaron chuckle.

  Jaycob enters the room and stands behind the sofa.

  “I put my number in it already,” says Uncle Adam. “Plus my work number, Jake’s and Rita’s.”

  Aaron presses the little circle at the bottom of the phone and the screen comes to life, revealing a photo of his mom’s smiling face. His chest flutters again and he presses his hand to it.

  “Thank you,” he says and puts his precious new phone in his pocket and no one speaks for a long time. Uncle Adam looks down to the floor and places his elbows on his knees. “We have to go to the funeral home, but if you can’t, I understand”

  “I do. I can. I want to.”

  Uncle Adam looks at him with doubt.

  “Please?”

  “Okay.”

  They rise and as they are about to leave, Uncle Adam’s phone rings and he says Jordyn is calling.

  “I'll be out in a sec.”

  “Let's go,” Jaycob says to Aaron. “We’ll wait in the car.”

  –

  The sun is bright without a cloud in the sky. As they step off the porch, they see one of the neighbors, Mrs. Wallace from next door, approach. She’s really old and very skinny with fluffy white hair that Aaron imagines must feel like cotton candy if he touched it. She’s often seen walking her dog, Tony—a tiny black and white Japanese Chin. Mrs. Wallace is always holding a cigarette, except right now she’s doing neither of those things.

  “Good morning, boys,” she says with a shaky voice.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Wallace,” says Jaycob with Aaron by his side.

  “I wanted to ask, is Tianna alright?”

  Jaycob looks to Aaron then back to Mrs. Wallace. “She… uh. She didn't make it.”

  Mrs. Wallace gasps and places a hand over her mouth. “Oh dear. I'm so sorry, boys.”

  Jaycob nods.

  She looks at Aaron and caresses his chin. “You poor thing.”

  Her rough hand smells like cigarettes and lemon soap, the kind they keep by the kitchen sink. “Goodness,” she says and makes a tsk sound. “So young. Please give my best to your family.”

  “I will,” says Jaycob.

  “Poor kids,” she mumbles as she walks away.

  They get in the Jeep and Jaycob starts the engine, getting it ready for Uncle Adam.

  Aaron notices the bag Jaycob’s holding. “What’s in the bag?” He wants to know.

  Jaycob puts the bag on the floor by Aaron’s feet. “They’re clothes. For your mom,” he says.”

  Aaron peeks in the bag and finds his mom’s favorite dress, the yellow one with sunflowers on it and her brown sandals. Aaron’s eyes fill with tears and Jaycob touches his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

  Aaron only nods and they wait in silence.

  16

  ADAM

  I take the call in the kitchen, easing a hip on the table. “Hi, sweetheart.”

  “Adam.” Jordyn is crying.

  I press my eyes with my fingers.

  “Is it true?”

  “Yes, honey.”

  A sob escapes her and I give her some time. After a moment she says, “How?”

  “A heart attack.”

  “This sucks!”

  “Honey?”

  “Yeah?” She sniffles.

  “I need you to be okay.”

  “I'm sorry… I'm. God this sucks!” More silence, then she says, “How are Aaron and Jake?”

  “They’re hanging in there. We’re nearly out the door for the funeral home, actually.”

  “Are you coming home later?”

  “I just need to pick up a few things.” I can’t tell her that I’m moving out. Not yet.

  “Okay. See you then.”

  “Jordyn?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I…” I clear my throat. “I need you to know that Tianna, she, uh… she loved you very much.”

  She cries harder and I wish I were there, holding her. “Hang in there, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  –

  The aroma of coffee hits me first, followed by the sweet scent of flowers and burning candles. I check in with the receptionist and we’re told to wait for a moment. There is a small round table in the center of the lobby with a large floral arrangement and a few scattered brochures, a stone fireplace with four high back chairs in front of it. Though the fire looks inviting there is no one sitting there. A long table in a corner has been set up with coffee, orange juice, and other breakfast snacks. The lobby is beautiful with a high ceiling and the stained glass windows allow the sun to filter through, filling the room with an array of warm colors.

  A woman—a cliché of a loving grandmother you might see on TV—greets us. Gray hair pulled up in a bun, small rim glasses, and a nice smile. Her bright red lipstick is uneven and some smeared on her teeth.

  “Welcome,” she stretches out a hand. “I’m Colleen. You must be Mr. Novak.”

  I nod and we shake hands, then I introduce the guys.

  “Right this way,” she says and leads us through a long hallway into an office.

  –

  We walk into an average size room with a desk, bookshelves, file cabinets, chairs, and the smell of flowers—which seems to be present in every inch of the place. Colleen invites us to sit. Jaycob and I sit in front of a wooden desk and Aaron stands behind us, looking around.

  The woman sits behind her desk. “We’ve vending machines at the end of the hall,” she says to Aaron. “Would you like to check them out while I discuss a few things with… with?” She looks to me for help with a raised eyebrow, the way a school teacher might when scolding a student.

  “Uncle,” I say after a beat. “We’re his uncles. And it's fine. He can stay.”

  She doesn’t look too convinced, but nods nevertheless and proceeds by giving Jaycob and I each a brochure then hands me a clipboard with a few forms that I need to fill out, then Jaycob hands her the bag containing Tianna’s things. Colleen takes the bag and puts it on an empty chair next to her.

  “What type of service would like for Tianna, Mr. Novak?”

  The way she presents the question ignites something in me. We’re no
t buying shoes or some shit of no importance—is what I want to say. I clench my jaw and say nothing for a moment and Jaycob starts cracking his knuckles, but I manage to calm down.

  The woman notes down on her computer as the three of us give suggestions and ideas. Though we had not previously discussed anything, we are all in agreement. When we have finally agreed on every detail, Colleen inputs the final details into the computer with quick strokes of the keyboard. The only sound is the tapping of her long red fingernails on the keys and the ticking from the clock. I glance at Jaycob who’s looking straight ahead and then turn to see Aaron sitting on a long sofa, inspecting his new phone. I nod inwardly, glad that Aaron and Jaycob are being part of this very difficult process. They are stronger than I thought.

  Aaron, at his young age, has lost three of the most important people in his life as has Jaycob. After a few more strokes Colleen gets to her feet. “Alright then,” she says. “Let’s head on over to the showroom so we can select a casket for Tianna.

  –

  We go back to the hallway and eventually arrive at the enormous showroom adjacent to a flower shop. The room feels cold despite the heater and is lined with endless rows of caskets in different colors and sizes. After only a few minutes Aaron and Jaycob settle on a beautiful red mahogany in which I try to imagine Tianna's beautiful face. This is so wrong. It’s all too real. We follow Colleen back to the hallway and into the flower shop where we select a beautiful casket spray in deep purples and soft lavenders. I am amazed at how composed Aaron and Jaycob are, which brings me much needed relief. As we walk back to Colleen’s office my phone beeps and I pull it out of my pocket to see a text from Irene. I ignore it.

  Once everything has been chosen and agreed upon we go back to the office, ready to sign off.

  Aaron is looking around the room and asks, “Is she here?”

  His question surprises everyone and all eyes go to him.

  “I'm sorry, dear?” says Colleen.

  “My mom. Is she here? In this house?”

  The woman looks to me and then to Jaycob, then back to me. You're on your own on this one, lady. Unsure of what to say she busies herself on her computer and I see a flicker of anger in Aaron’s eyes.